Destiny?

Patrick Lokhorst

Looking back, on what I’ve done.
I’m looking back, at what I’ve become.
I ask myself, were the battles in vane.
I look at myself and I feel ashamed.
I’ve done things, good and bad.
I’ve killed people, happy and sad.
I took lives, while I was dead.
I saved people, it made me glad.
The past is the past, some people say.
The past is over, I go and pray.
The future starts now with every deed.
All I know for sure, is that I’m beat.
Sick of the battles, like day and night.
Nightmares wake me, I sit up with fright.
Sweat dripping from my head and chest.
It makes me wonder, if I did the best.
Could I have done better, saved more lives?
Would I be different without the knifes.
I’ve cut myself for pain and control.
I cried for days was that my fall.
Or was it earlier on in my life.
I remember when I was ten and I had a knife.
I wanted to make an end on this tunnel of pain.
The teacher stopped me I still feel the shame.
At age eight I looked at the cars.
As a prisoner I looked already behind bars.
It was then when I knew my life wouldn't change.
I guess it did in many strange kind of ways.
I remember age four I sat and wait.
I got a bear for my birthday but it was to late.
Screwed up I was by my broken home.
I spend most of the days all alone.
My life was written I see now.
It went as it should have, just don't ask me how.
I was meant to be broken from my first heartbeat.
I guess I’ll never be more then a broken piece of meat.

30 december 2007

Patrick Lokhorst

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